How to Set Boundaries in 5 Steps.

We often associate boundaries with being guarded or unapproachable, it feels like a negative and heavy word, but through boundaries, we can lovingly show people how we are showing up in the world and the best part; we allow them the space to do the same.

When we have poor boundaries, we can feel overwhelmed, exhausted, overcommitted, we overextend ourselves and even start to feel resentful. From this place, it’s easy to enter a victim state of mind.

Learning how to set the foundation of loving boundaries takes time, kindness and patience to self - if it’s not something you’ve ever practiced, how can you even know what your boundaries are? It simply takes time and creating space to listen to yourself and what feels expansive or contractive and moving from that place.

Some things you can do to help today:

1. Having your Own Rituals.

Do you have any daily, weekly or otherwise rituals? A ritual can be described as a sequence of activities involving gestures, words, and objects.

The word ritual can suggest something tribal, religious or even cult like, but they really needn't be something you fear, avoid or put in the woo-woo basket. A ritual can be as simple as your daily hug in a mug cup of coffee, putting on music as you get ready, walking to work and calling a friend, or the Sunday morning newspaper grab. Through rituals we are able to honour ourselves to feel more present, find comfort and create stronger boundaries in and for us.

Why do we have rituals? Human beings are creatures of habit. Do you take the same route to work every day regardless of the fact there’s probably 10 other routes to get you there? Do you like to have your lunch at the same time every day? We like routine and consistency just as much as we like to shake things up and throw ourselves into spontaneity. Life is creating a beautiful blend and harmony of both routine and spontaneity. Spontaneously routine or routinely spontaneous? You decide. 😉

Rituals are also a fantastic way to create a habit of slowing down, tuning in to not only ourselves but the world around us. We are able to feel more present, find comfort and also to help create stronger boundaries in and for us.

You’ll often hear the words ceremony and ritual being used interchangeably, however a ceremony can be made up of multiple rituals within a sequence. The word ceremony to most people suggests celebration.

Why is it important to discuss rituals and ceremony? No, I’m not about to make you dance naked under the moonlit stars. Well, not today anyway! 🌚BUT there is merit to be found in both. It’s important for us to celebrate the everyday wins in life, yes the big stuff but also the things which often go unnoticed or without gratitude. The more grateful we are, the more abundant and content we feel. And having our own individual rituals helps to create a deeper self love, connection to the present moment and dedication to our own time and energy. Rituals and ceremonies help us to honour ourselves and others.

Think of one of your own daily rituals and then a new ritual that you’d love to explore or add to your wellness toolkit. ☕️👣🗣💕

I have my daily hug in a mug ritual of tea to start my day (good old fashioned English breakfast don’t you know) ...not forgetting a cheeky morning cawfee. Coffee is definitely one of my FAVOURITE rituals! You too?!
Everyday I listen to a meditation track to ground my energy and bring it back to me so I don’t get so caught up in the rush of every day life.

2. Moving Your Body.
My go to for being more grounded and coming back more into my body is moving and creating space in my body. Stillness through movement. The body speaks a language that we cannot put into words. Movement whether it’s yin or yang, are both my rituals and my ceremonies. Celebrating that I have the ability to move and be present in my body.

Even if you don’t have time to get to a class or go for a run, you could do some simple stretches at your desk
The more work that I’ve been doing around spirituality, the more I’m becoming inspired by earth practices and using nature as our teacher and healer. 🍃💕

3. Knowing Your Core Values.
Whether in business or life, it’s important to take time to know your why and your core values. When you’re clear on those, if someone or something shows up that isn’t aligned or in tune with that, you will know. You will feel it, and then it’s a loving thank you, but no.

4. Learning to Trust your Intuition.

This one takes time and sure isn’t a one time ticked box, but when you begin to trust that voice more and more, just like any muscle, the stronger it becomes. I recommend it daily! 😉 How can you begin to trust your intuition? If you’ve never used, trusted or listened to that voice it can be hard to tap into and

5. Working on Your Self Esteem.

Invariably when you make changes, even with those seemingly subtle shifts, you will be met with resistance from those in your life. This is because people have a neatly assigned box with your name on so when you step outside of the parameters they have subconsciously set for you; it’s uncomfortable. If you can learn to persevere with the discomfort, that space is so worth meeting the resistance head on.

And finally, I’d love to know what loving boundaries you have in place in your life or where you think you might benefit from new intentions around boundaries as we ease out of the last of 2018 and flow into 2019 together. 

Either comment below or catch me on social @francesca_elizabeth_williams

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